


Dean Does a Robot

by PaperSnake



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: M/M, Robot/Human Relationships, Sexual Frustration, humping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 11:15:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15907173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperSnake/pseuds/PaperSnake
Summary: Dean catches feelings for H.E.L.P.eR. Model 2 because he's so sweet. Unfortunately he's a robot who has no mouth, genitals and has metal claws for hands.





	Dean Does a Robot

**Author's Note:**

> I can't accept that I did this unironically help.

Dean should not have agreed to the massage. After returning from the wood’s H.E.L.P.eR. Model 2 was apologetic about changing his mind, he was very insistent he liked his life in the House with Ben. As a consolation he offered a massage.

The claws moved carefully rubbing into his shoulders it was nice. The sound of the fire crackling and popping radiating it’s warmth onto his skin. It was romantic lighting. Basically, everything about this night had been pretty nice. Dean felt like HM2 just got him right away. He closed his eyes and listened to the robot hum out a little tune as he worked his claws into his muscles.

HM2 was so human and so kind and they were so much alike, they were brought into this world by super scientists messing around haphazardly with other people's lives. He didn’t really feel like he was talking to a robot. He felt more like he was talking to some older boy from his school or something. Some guy who was just _really_ thoughtful. Maybe the organic components were what made him so human. Or maybe it was because he was just normal and considerate, the way people should be.

Dean wanted him to be free, but at the same time he couldn’t blame him for not wanting to leave Ben’s house. HM2 was afraid of religious fundamentalists, but he didn’t know the real dangers out there stupid costumed villains chasing their stupid super scientists. HM2 was just like how he use to be before he got angry about it; afraid of everything.

He felt his heart speeding up as he concentrated on the claws rubbing into him.

He felt weird. He felt his stomach was in knots. He couldn’t really place why, but when HM2 started speaking again and then he felt giddy at the sound of his voice, “Are you feeling any better now?”

Dean’s mouth was incredibly dry, “Yeah, thank you. This feels great.”

“Wonderful to hear.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you to leave, I was just trying to help.”

“It’s quite alright, Ben doesn’t force me to stay here.”

“I’m not sure how our H.E.L.P.eR. feels about us.” Dean said lowering his eyes to the floor. Dad had done so many awful things to H.E.L.P.eR. over the years… Dean realized HM2 was listening waiting for the rest of a story so Dean cleared his throat to speak,

“I had to fix H.E.L.P.eR. once because my dad had the brilliant idea to turn him into a walking eye.”

“A walking eye?” He repeated slowly.

“Yeah! It’s like he doesn’t even care how he feels or anything, but he’s apart of the family!”

“You’re very compassionate.”

“Really… ? My dad always makes me feel stupid for getting upset. He never takes anything I do seriously.”

“I think being compassionate is a very admirable personality trait.”

“Oh…” Dean felt his face and ears get hot.

It was almost like he had a crush on HM2. But he couldn’t begin to process the thought. He was an awkward looking red robot, a repainted copy of the H.E.L.P.eR. they had back home. It was this emotional attraction that had creeped up on him so quickly. And Dean knew he was really bad at hiding feelings.

Dean deeply regretted agreeing to the sweatpants because just like always, his body overreacts to everything. He felt himself starting to chub up, which made his heart hammer in his chest and brought about this nervous nauseous feeling. He closed his eyes and told himself he would not get turned on by a red H.E.L.P.eR. . But really HM2 wasn’t just a recolor, he was _unique, gentle and kind…_ this wasn’t helping...

 _“Dean this is stupid!”_ He thought to himself, _“You can’t do naughty things with a robot, he doesn’t even have genitals! How would that even work!? Would you rub against him!? Or I guess you could order one of those fleshlight thingys online and have him hold it while you…”_ Dean got more turned on.

He shifted again. It was so obvious now. He felt HM2’s eyes on him, watching him, seeing him squirm in embarrassment.

“You’re penis has become engorged.” HM2 observed bluntly.

Dean swallowed hard feeling his face flush harder. He couldn’t find any words.

“You must be experiencing a spontaneous erection.”

“Yeah…”

“I will retrieve you lotion and explicit magazines.” said HM2.

“WHAT!?”

“I’m going to retrieve you lotion and explicit magazines so that you may stimulate your genitals to orgasm.” HM2 paused in the doorway, “Also a hand towl for clean up!” And he disappeared.

Dean nodded feeling stunned. He found this terrifying, but also strangely kind of erotic. Triana would never offer to bring him porn when she gave him boners...

HM2 returned from upstairs with the promised materials. Probably taken from Ben’s room. He handed them off to Dean carefully and gently placed the hand towl on the coffee table making sure it sat neatly.

Dean stopped himself from asking HM2 why he was still at his side because he honestly didn’t want him to remember common social protocol and go away.

Dean timidly opened up the magazine to a random page. The knots in his stomach got tighter. The page was a spread of a sultry looking lady her back arched and her hands squeezing her full heavy breasts. This was pretty tame compared to what Dean could get on the internet, but he felt HM2’s eyes on him watching him patiently.

Dean flipped the page to find the women with her bangs plastered to her forehead from sweat and large cock plunged into her. She seemed to hug him tightly, her mouth open in a moan.

Dean pulled his sweatpants down enough to release his cock. It sprung up standing upwards eager for some attention. Dean sheepishly wrapped his fingers around the shaft beneath the head and began some short strokes.

 “This is very interesting.” HM2 noted. Dean’s eyes looked over at him the strokes slowing. The temptation to quickly shove his cock back into the sweatshirt out of the embarrassment.

“You seem fully erect now.” said HM2. Dean exhaled sharply and went faster on himself.

“Are you going faster because my talking is annoying you or because I'm helping you?”

Dean bit his lip. He decided it was more creepy if he didn’t tell the truth. But he wasn’t sure what to say.

“ _N-no_ I like it… do you like this?”

“I like seeing humans happy, but Ben won’t let me watch him do this. He told me it’s not normal, I don’t understand embarrassment very well.” HM2 was fiddling his claws back and forth bashfully, “But you were doing it in front of me a moment ago.”

Dean cringed. So he wasn’t clueless to all human social conventions. They both had their own agendas.

“I don’t mind if you watch.”

“ _Oh?_ Splendid!”

Dean cautiously returned to fondling himself. He was harder than ever now. Once he actually started jerking himself off he found it felt heighted, he felt so embolden with HM2 watching him happily. It felt so good to be wanted. He already felt ready to come from this alone.

“You should remove the pants before you get prejacuate on them.”

HM2 was really overestimating how long it would take Dean to finish. But Dean stopped and on shaky legs he stood up and pulled his pants and underwear off.  Then he stood awkwardly in front of HM2 with his cock out his socks still on his feet. He thought he looked so stupid. Dean stared at HM2 for a long time who stared back. Dean had no idea what he was thinking.  

“You should continue touching yourself.” HM2 said breaking the silence. Dean shivered and began to stroke himself again. HM2 made this odd noise almost like a laugh,  
  
_“What?”_ Dean said in a daze.

“I told you what to do and you did it. But I’m a robot that was made to do things for other people!”

“You can tell me to do more things.”

“Okay then!” HM2 made a noise like he was thinking, “Rub the tip more, isn’t that the most sensitive part?” 

Dean concentrated on the head of his cock rubbing and slicking his hand on and off it. He kept inching closer to HM2. He got so close that if he came now it would probably hit him, “Stroke yourself faster!” HM2 suggested cheerfully.  Dean felt his knees getting weak. He struggle to stand and felt himself losing control quickly, “Wait…”

“Do you need something?” He asked looking up at Dean.

“I wanna rub against you, _is that okay_?”

“I’m not sure if that will be comfortable for you, but okay.” HM2 slowly laid himself down on the sofa. Dean swallowed hard and with shaking hands he got on top of him. He found it easiest to sit at his waist whitch was narrow and lean against his chest, “Comfortable? Don’t fall.”

Dean rubbed his cock into the metal massaging it with his hand. There was something erotic about rubbing into him, but it didn’t really feel good.

“Yeah, you’re right this isn’t working.” Dean gave an aggravated huff.

“You should place a pillow between us for sexual gratification while still being close to me.”

Dean paused and grabbed on of the soft worn pillows of the sofa and placed the pillow on top of HM2. Carefully Dean straddled the pillow and HM2 and then clamped his legs down to keep it in place and started humping it. This was much more satisfying. Dean lazily moved against him for a while. The room was hot but his cheek felt cool against the metal.

“Is this better?” HM2 asked bringing his claw down to Dean’s shoulder.

“Much better.” Dean panted picking up the pace. It was so overwhelming. HM2 began to massage his shoulders again.

“Thank you.” Dean moaned into him.

“I like when you thank me.”

“Thank you so much.” Dean leaned down and dragged his tongue across the metal it tasted bitter and stung against his tongue.

“I can’t control it, I’m just going to cum.” Dean’s thighs shaking as his rhythm got broken and erratic.

“I know you want to prolong this experience, but I’m sure it will be wonderful.”

“Keep talking… tell me about it.” 

“Your sexual excitement will only continue as you listen to my words until you feel muscle contractions and spasms throughout your body. Your endorphins will make you feel euphoric as you release ejactualate into the pillow.” Dean grabbed him and held him tight.

“Thank you.” Dean gasped. He felt his jaw go slack his mouth opened he stared at the glowing green lights in front of him.

“Your orgasm is impending.” HM2 commented.

“I’m…” Dean shuttered watching the light of the fire bounce off of HM2’s head. He couldn’t get any words out he felt overwhelmed by the pleasure thrumming through him.

“Thank you!” Dean sobbed. Feeling the cum spurting out dampening the pillow.

“Thank you...” He continued to rock into him kissing his chest and eventually just resting on it trying to find another cool spot, it was kind of like looking for the cool side of the pillow at night.

“You’re very beautiful right now.” HM2 said happily.

For a moment he laid there realizing how sweaty he was and how hot the fire made the room. He noticed this almost inaudible hum from inside HM2’s chest. He’d just had sex with a robot. Or the closest you could get to doing that with a robot.

Dean got off of him looking down at the pillow with a wet spot on it, “I’m so happy for you!” HM2 exclaimed. Dean smiled shaking his head, “Yeah, that was building up.”

“You were easily aroused because you had not stimulated yourself in a while?”

“No… it’s not just that. I think I _seriously like you a lot_.”

HM2 stared at him for a few moments not saying anything as the fire crackled and crickets chirped outside.

“I’m attracted to you.” Dean clarified.

“The part of my brain that is meat is very pleased to hear that, we should celebrate, would you like a cold glass of water to replenish your fluids?”

“Sure…” Dean lowered his head. That wasn’t a real response to what he said. HM2 walked away. Dean felt unbelievably stupid as he listened to the sound of the faucet running in the other room. HM2 returned with a cold glass of water on a tray and set it down for Dean. Dean grabbed the glass and took a sip and then looked to HM2 as he sat down next to him,

“Hey… do you like me too?”

“Yes I like you very much, I especially enjoyed when you came to the door,  when we were talking, when you licked me and said thank you. That was very fun.”

“Can you feel emotions... _like love_?”

“Sure. I love all kinds of things! I’m not fully robot you know.” HM2 came to wrap his arm around him carefully settling his claw on his shoulder, “I have no genitals, but I do receive pleasure from helping others as part of my programing. Stimulating you was very pleasurable to me mentally to both the human and robotic parts of my brain.” HM2 explained.

He moved his other claw to hold Dean’s hand. Which mostly meant clamping onto Dean’s hand with his claw very softly. Dean sighed in relief and stared down at the claw holding his hand for a few moments, “I’m so glad, I felt like maybe I was a creep for having you do that.”

“Not at all, would you like to watch Netflix together?”

HM2 resumed watching Skins. Dean watched, only half paying attention as he snuggled into HM2. They stayed like that for a couple of hours. Dean felt himself getting sleepy as the sun came up and the sound of birds started chirping far away. Dean groaned when he knew he had to go back. Brock and his dad would be looking for him.

“I’m sorry, I have to leave soon.”

“Okay. Is there anything you need before you leave?”

Dean hesitated for a moment and leaned forward and kissed the robot’s face, “Just that I guess.”

“I meant sustenance, but you wanted more affection. That is quite humorous.”

HM2 walked Dean to the front porch. Dean looked out to the pink and dim purple of the sky the sun was still very low in the sky.  
  
HM2 grasped his claws together looking anxious, “Please promise me you will come on weekends to have nice conversations with me and rub against me to satisfy your sexual and emotional urges.”

“I promise, cross my heart.” Dean said smiling at him. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Ben if he ever returned.

“And call me. And watch more Skins.” HM2 added.

“I will.” Dean leaned forward he planted another kiss on HM2’s face. This one was much longer. HM2 two wrapped his arms around Dean’s midsection being careful with his claws. Dean hugged him back and for a few moments he just rested his head against HM2 so sad to leave, “This is so weird, I never expected my first relationship to happen so fast.”

“I’m very thankful you got an erection or we might not have talked like this.”

Dean bit his lip laughing softly the embarrassment creeping back, “Yeah.”

“Maybe one day you can come visit me too?”

“Maybe.” HM2 said hesitantly.

Dean kissed him one more time and waved goodbye. HM2 went back inside the house and Dean made his way across the lawn feeling the morning dew soaking inside his sneakers. He had gotten a robot boyfriend in a single night. He felt a little dizzy. He already missed him a little. It’d be at least a whole week until he could see him again.

When he got to the forest he heard some fumbling in the branches that was too loud to be a squirrel.

“What did I just witness!?” Hank shouted jumping down from the trees.

“HANK!” Dean squealed slipping on the wet grass.

“Dean…” Hank said slowly, “Why did I see you kiss that weird red H.E.L.P.eR.?”

“No reason.” Dean said quickly standing up on his shaking legs.

Why are you sweating so much?” Hank said looking at him sideways.

“I don’t want to talk about it! It’s none of your business!”

“Oh my god, you’re smooching a robot!” Hank said and began clapping.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Hank bought his hands up, “Are you kidding me! That’s like the coolest thing ever!”

“Uhh, really?” Dean said hesitantly.

“It’s _totally_ on my bucket list!”

* * *

 

Epilogue 

Dean rates Skins three stars on Netflix. HM2 later changes the rating to four stars behind Dean’s back. In college Dean majors in robotics and stays in regular touch with HM2. After college Dean becomes an unregistered vigilante hellbent on destroying organized villainy and super scientists who mistreat their creations. He does this with the aid of his army of liberated robots who are extremely loyal to the cause. The most loyal of all is his robot husband HM2.

They live at a secret lab guarded by reprogrammed diamond dogs and robotic giraffes who have extendable necks capable of grabbing a man from twenty feet away, they are referred to as _“Mister Reacharounds.”_   and religious fundamentalist dare not even approach the property. It is said that to be taken prisoner there is more comfortable than staying at most motels. Even though you’re technically trapped HM2 makes sure you are provided with plenty of warm sweatpants and tasty treats.

 _Modern Enemy Monthly_ describes them as, _“Cheerful, but really scary and dangerous.”_ and remarks the duo, _“Often have people wondering how exactly does a man fuck a robot.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some love for my rare pair hell.  
> I hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
